Riding the Rollercoaster...

Well I warned you posts like this were coming...

We got our first glimmer of progress about 3 weeks ago-a total shot in the dark really, but at least it was SOMETHING other than waiting---so it counts in our eyes. Our Case Worker had mentioned if we saw any "Available Situations" on their page that would interest us to let her know.

I was pretty hesitant. Thoughts were swirling in my head like, "How does a person 'pick' a birthmom exactly?" "Am I supposed to pick her first?" "Am I trying to control the situation too much if I do?" "What if I pick her and she says she is uninterested, how bad will that hurt to hear?"

So I turn to B who is my strength when my mind starts getting overwhelmed on literally EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong with the situation.

"Let it be." He tells me. (all calm, cool, and collected-like while I am drowning myself in worry).

"She (our case worker) asked us if there was a situation we may be interested in (which there WAS) so tell her yes and go from there."

Ok. Well-Yes. That does makes sense. Duh!

*Come on brain quit working so hard!*

It sucks to be a emotional female in some situations-especially those FULL of emotions...am I right, or am I right ladies? ;)

(source)

So, I told her yes and she had to check to see if our preferences matched hers...She would have to get back with me.

So we waited.... and waited.......and Waited.

Nothing.

I assumed it wasn't going to work out and finally had the guts to try to contact her back today. I was told that this birthmother isn't being matched just yet but will be soon (hence her hesitation in contacting me back). Her first ultrasound 'confirmed' she was carrying a girl. Upon a second follow-up ultrasound....now (most-likely) a boy. =(

So this mom will be shown to adoptive couples who are interested in either gender.

Really? UGH!! *Figurative Stamping of the foot, and pouty face*

Then the feeling of pure disappointment slowly filtered in and feelings of 'What if that would have actually worked out?' hit me like a brick.

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Our wait continues...

 I'm trying NOT to be bummed too bad. It was a shot in the dark and we knew it. 

It's disappointing to hear but I know my baby girl is out there. With our perfect/not-so-perfect birth mother that is carrying her .

God knows what will be perfect FOR US.

It finally felt like our rollercoaster started moving, even if just for a second. And that, in itself, does feel really good.

~heather